Una Noche Perfecta

Sitting on my couch thinking of all the things I needed to do today that didn’t get done so they go on to my list of to-do’s for tomorrow, is a stressful feeling. I have a mountain of papers that either need to be filed or thrown away, children’s art that I’d like to frame, junk mail I don’t know why I keep…and then I see something on it that has sentimental value that reminds me of my family. I kept a Colombian coffee coupon that I will never use but the moment I see the word ‘Colombia’ I feel such a strong connection. It’s such a strange feeling. It’s almost an obsession and am really hoping that this feeling will find some calmness. I get so excited the second I see a fellow Latino on tv even.

I’m shaking my head at my pile of papers and all of a sudden my brother Juan Pablo calls. Instantly my stress fades away. He knows just what to say to tuck away my worries, he shares with me how much he loves having a sister a year apart. I’m so content and feel so at peace when he talks about my home in Colombia. He tells me more about the family. Every few sentences my brother says, “Te amo princesa or Te amo mi reina, or Te amo muñeca”. I melt and then back to whatever he’s talking about. I’m picking up so much more in Spanish one word at a time. Juancho has been so helpful! When he talks sometime I get lost in his words and just study his face, like a blind girl would feel wanting to know every curve, dimple, and shape of one’s face. I look at his eyes and study the shape of his eyes and see that we have the same eyes. I study his cheek bones, his chin, his jawlines, his nose, his teeth, his smile, his laugh lines, his eyebrows, his forhead. I never realized how much detail a face truly has and how intrigued I am with our similarities. Its one of the best feelings knowing I look like them after growing up in a family I looked nothing alike.

Te amo mi hermano! ❤

Tonight’s ending was simply perfection. Every moment I have with one of my siblings is one of the most precious gift I could be given. They’ve become the ones I go to often,  the ones I want to hang out with even if it’s via cell phone or video calls. They’ve become the best friends I could ever ask for. I’ve told my brother some of my deepest secrets, some more wishes and dreams in my life, and I can’t tell him enough how much I adore him. I thank God for my brother! ❤

Tomorrow I will return to my piles but with a smile 🙂

Forget the Past & Look Forward To What Lies Ahead

Forget the Past & Look Forward To What Lies Ahead.

Forget the Past & Look Forward To What Lies Ahead

Over and over I read the lyrics of “My Wish” by Rascal Flatts and the chorus of this song speaks mountains.

“My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish”

My whole childhood my wish was a secret and I never felt like anyone would understand such a gigantic wish, my wish to find my Birth Mother. Even though I was loved by my A parents I still never felt like I belonged. I always thought that was such a wrong feeling to feel because I had a home, I had a mother and a father or at least people I was suppose refer to as that, however the biggest part of my heart was still missing. I grew up in a family that adopted me but never adopted my culture to go along with me, they didn’t adopt Colombia, just a baby girl from Colombia. They never truly understood the impact adoption had on me. I desperately needed to find the family that nature gave me with or without the support of the family given to me by law. I never had many chances to be proud of my heritage because I didn’t know anything about it. This has all changed now!

This past year I’ve met so many other amazing Colombian adoptees in my journey to finding my birth mother. In meeting others, hearing their testimony, and getting a sense of their own raw emotions, I felt I was not alone on this road anymore. I’ve found so much support while I’m constantly trying to make sense of this all. On my road to self-discovery I’ve had to remove people in my life that didn’t understand and refused to understand how important this was to me.

After years of wondering who I looked like, it happened. The day I got the call from the private investigator I hired, Gustavo Madrid. Those words are forever branded in my brain. “I have good news are you sitting down, I’ve found your mother!” I told him I was sitting but I really wasn’t however after reading those words from him, gravity took over and immediately I was on the floor. Every joyful emotion rushed through my body and was sobbing almost the whole rest of the day. I was told she wanted to meet me and that I will see her the very next day. The overwhelming urge to scream was so hard to hold inside me. I wanted to shout from the rooftop that I was going to meet my Mother for the first time. My dreams came true!

http://www.myfoxtwincities.com/story/25326186/first-reunion-woman-stolen-as-baby-in-columbia-meets-birth-mother

My family went from my children and I, to all of a sudden 97 family members literally overnight. God is so good! I’ve never prayed so much for His miracles than I did that night.

Meeting my Mama and seeing her face for the first time as well as one of my brothers Arquimedes (April 24th,2014)

My life journey is such a blessing and I can’t wait to share more in my next blog coming soon on the First Year of finding my Identity… Don’t let go of your dreams because they can come true! Always pray and never give up!

Curiosity of my Motherland Colombia

My Birth name was Maria Victoria Bocanegra and this is my story…

 

I’ve always known since I was very little that I was adopted and throughout the years had lived with a family who made Minnesota their home before I came along. I have very little memory of continuing my Colombian culture with this family. My adoptive father grew up on a farm in Iowa as a single child and my adoptive mother grew up in a small town in Florida with an older brother who passed away when I was very young. I remember attending a couple Colombian picnics in Minnesota. These were family’s that adopted children from the same adoption agency as I came from which was Los Pisingos Adoption Agency, in Bogota Colombia. 

Growing up I had two siblings which my brother was adopted from the states and my sister was the “Golden Egg” their birth child. My adoptive parents were middle class and gave me the best upbringing they could but for me emotionally it was difficult growing up in a household where you constantly felt favoritism no matter what the situation.

Once my parents found out they could not have children they decided to adopt so my brother was the first to be adopted and honestly I don’t know his story but he was adopted at a very young age. When I look back at pictures of him it looks like he was a big baby when he came to my parents. I was the second to be adopted and the information that I have was my birth mother was too young to care for me. Every once in awhile I will take out the paperwork and skim through it as I haven’t actually read it all word for word. Much of it is in Spanish and I don’t understand Spanish. (I took Spanish in Jr High but that is all I can remember) I get a little emotional when I take it out so as soon as the tears flow I put them back in their plain manila folders and right back in the cabinet they go until I’m ready to take them out again.

The curiosity of where I came from is what hits me hardest. Wanting to know where Im from and the history of my country, the culture of it all…its just overwhelming and where do I start. Well through the magic of Facebook I met a wonderful friend who was also a Colombian Adoptee and referred me to a private group where we all had such a strong connection. We were all adopted from Colombia and some from the same agency I was from. Right then its just been all smiles for me. The day I became a member of the group added to my life of blessings.

November 29, 2012 I just gave a little blurp of what I knew and right away messages and comments started flooding my little introduction of who I am and why I wanted to join. I’ve never felt such a strong connection with people I don’t even know but right away felt like family. Only a few hours later a private investigator sent me a private message and asked if I could give him my birth mothers name and cedula number. I did and he located her right away….this is where it is put on hold.

I remember that night I was SO overwhelmed with joy and tears. I was pacing my apartment hallway and my daughters were home. I was bawling knowing that my birth mother is still alive and still out there somewhere. He gave me her name she has now, her birth date, that shes has worked since 2000 and has a pension (not that that was important to me but info that he gave me anyway). Right away I called my sons and told them that my birth mother was still alive and that the investigator was 100% sure that he could find her and hes never guaranteed this before. 

 

This is where the real journey begins…